Something interesting is beginning to happen as I start to train again.

A few issues that have arisen that I’m noting here to expand on later or through other writing:

• What is bodybuilding? What is bodybuilding to me? What makes it different from other types of training or exercise? (Diet, goals, method of training, dislocated body parts.)

• Relationship to pain. Pain not only defines the body to self, as in, I can feel my outline via DOMS (could this be a key in terms of dissociation/losing self?). But also, I experience pain when I don’t train – my body aches and some joints feel arthritic/RSI/etc. When my mother died, my legs ached incurably for months, in the end it was suggested by a GP it was emotional pain or linked to grieving.

• Training during and post pandemic may now be a solitary activity – training completely alone, without audience and interaction. Safety is an aspect to consider but I’m relearning my way around equipment trying not hurt myself/trap fingers etc. I’m slowly starting to see this as a positive or ‘purer’ or undiluted, less reactive experience. Somehow potentially a deeper experience.